Stop or I'll...

My admiring fan, that is to say my wife, has been waiting in anticipation (or annoyance) for me to recount the riveting tale of Triddy's Trouble with Transatlantic Driving (title is very much a work in progress). As you may or may not know there are several differences when driving in America and driving in Scotland. The two major differences being the driver's side of the car is on the right and you drive on the left side of the road. This can cause some problems when switching from one country to the other; we don't have the time nor the energy to go into our problems with this. However, there is one other major difference between the two countries. America likes their stop signs and Scotland likes their roundabouts and giveway (yield) signs.
Now being the cultural enthusiast that I am, I have fully adopted the roundabout/giveway system. I have made it my own so that I can blend more in the culture and be a positive light for Christ. Again, we do not have the time to explore the wonderful benefits of this system but let's just say they are many. So before you judge me after you read this story, remember that I was just trying to become all things, a roundabout-givewayer, to all men so that I might save a few...or something like that. Oh...and have pity on me because this happened on my birthday after I had cut my lip on the tin foil of a Chipotle Burrito and it wouldn't stop bleeding for the entire meal.
15th September 2008, 17:35: Mardel Bookstore Edmond, OK
Leslie: Tristan, Jonathan it is time to go. We have to be at Oklahoma Christian University for our presentation in Outreach at 18:00 hours. It is critical to the Time Space Continuum that we arrive early to set up and be prepared.
Tristan: Yeah, even though it only takes five to seven minutes to get over there we should go.
15th September 2008, 17:38: Mardel Bookstore Parking Lot Edmond, OK
Tristan: Put on your seat belts, it's warp speed ahead.
15th September 2008, 17:43 or 17:45: OC Bible Building Parking Lot Edmond, OK
Narrator: As Tristan exits the vehicle he notices that the Gas Guzzling OC Security Truck has pulled up directly behind his vehicle. Curious to know what this is about, suspecting it might have be about the wee bit of speeding through the campus, Tristan completes his exit from the Dodge Stratus.
Tristan: Hi
In Tristan's Head: Maybe a friendly greeting and a nice, apprehensive smile might soften a potential blow.
Security: Do you know why I have stopped here?
Narrator: She says in a firm, unrelenting tone with pending punishment on her voice. Apparently Tristan has lost some of his boyish smile charm...got to work on that buddy!
Tristan: No, not really.
In Tristan's Head: Probably because I was speeding, although I think it is in the rule book of never admitting to the officer that you know what you were stopped for.
Narrator: Tristan's last words spoken with utter bewilderment, and a slight shake to his voice. Whereas the exchange of this introductory dialogue has only taken but a few seconds, neither Security nor Tristan ever stopped their slow approach toward each other.
Suddenly, Security turns 45 degrees to her left, places her left hand near her waist, stretches out her right hand, raises the volume of her voice and strengthens the tone of her words saying:
Security: DON'T COME ANY CLOSER
Narrator: Tristan sees his life flash before his eyes, his exact 26 years flash before his eyes because it is his birthday. He takes a minimal half step back, almost afraid to move, raises his hands partially, shots out a couple short breaths of laughter mixed with fear and says:
Tristan: I don't know what's going on here.
Security: You just blew through two stop signs!
Narrator: Tristan looks over his shoulder in the direction he just came from fully convinced that she was mistaken and that there could not have been stop signs there because he didn't stop or was it he didn't need to stop.
Tristan: Did I really? I am so sorry; I honestly did not see them.
Security: Are you a student on at this university?
Tristan: No, I am just a visitor.
Narrator: Tristan saying these last words with a hint of confused hope, maybe he won't have to get a ticket.
Security: If you wish to continue visiting this campus you will obey the traffic laws.
Narrator: She said with malice in her message because the opportunity to inflict a punishment on a poor college student had slipped through her fingers.
Tristan: I will, thank you
Narrator: Tristan blundered while still holding his breath, waiting for her to enter her Gas Guzzling Truck so he can breath a sigh of relief. Security returned to her vehicle, drove the twenty second drive to the adjacent terrace where she parked like a hawk to watch Tristan's next movements. And there she remained until Tristan had departed the Campus over an hour later, this time making sure to come to complete five second stops at the two stop signs. After she moved over to the terrace, Leslie and Jonathan exploded into laughter
Leslie: What did she think you were going to do?
Narrator: Jonathan, mimicking the over zealous Security personal, put his hand out
Jonathan: Don't come any closer.
Narrator: Laughter erupted again.
Tristan: I don't know...I...unbelievable...I really did not see them. I did what we do in Scotland, I looked thoroughly to make sure no cars were coming and when I saw there weren't, I just went. We really don't have stop signs in Stirling. I can think of two and even then I only can remember where one of them is at. We just use the roundabouts and yield signs, if no one is coming then you have the right of way.
Narrator: Tristan explained this for Jonathan's benefit and to much his own trying to justify why he had completely missed the stop signs. And that is the tale of Tristan's Trouble with Transatlantic Driving, that and it is actually pretty hard to drive over the Atlantic.

Hope you enjoyed that. If you didn't laugh at that, maybe you can laugh at the picture below. As a suggestion from my psychologist, he said that it would help me get through the coping process of this traumatic event if I did a little art therapy. So amuse yourself even more with my humiliating drawing.